Let's start with the fact that no one consciously wants to yell at their children. Nobody can argue with this fact. But why then are parents yelling at the teenager, and how to stop it?
Why do we yell at children?
It's no secret that yelling helps get attention. If the child runs out onto the road or can get burned by boiling water from the pan, the parents automatically switch to screaming. But let's be honest, situations that really threaten health do not arise so often. Therefore, we will look at eight reasons parents yells at children and find out how to stop it.
Let's take a closer look at the common reasons why we yell at children. Usually this:
- stress;
- it worked once;
- raising your voice is easy;
- own childhood experience;
- high expectations;
- explosion from small things.
Problems at work, anger at a spouse or acquaintances, fatigue, hunger, and lack of sleep provoke stress. People tend to throw negative emotions at loved ones, and children regularly suffer from this.
It is much easier to succumb to anger and lash out at someone. If you find it difficult to control your emotions, then you may unconsciously yell at your children. This lightning-fast solution requires little effort, which is why you can scream.
When a person does not get what he wants, he experiences negative emotions. You want the children to keep the house in order, be quiet and always obey. And the absence of this provokes negative emotions, because of which you break down and start screaming.
You can yell at the child, and he will stop doing stupid things. This is quite logical, because he may simply be scared because of the raised voice, harshness or anger of his parents. But this does not mean that the cry will work a second time. But you will definitely spoil the trusting relationship.
Your parents wanted you to be the best at school, draw amazingly, or dance. And you can unconsciously transfer these desires to your own children. But remember that every child is an individual. Sometimes a four-year-old doesn't want to do something simply because he doesn't want to. Do not think that the child is terrible and does everything to harm you. It's just your child, and you must come to terms with it.
If you were often yelled at as a child, there is a big chance you would yell at your children. You have learned that shouting can achieve a particular result, and you use this method. Most likely, you liked it a little, but you may not even perceive other education tactics.
Parents sometimes need help understanding how to behave in certain situations. Methods that worked before may not work now. As a result, you yell at the children, and the problem remains the same.
Minor issues are not dangerous. But when they accumulate a huge amount — it isn't very pleasant. You can break out on children even without your own desire.
If at least one reason was about you, it is worth working through it. We've put together a few tips to help you resolve the issue.
How to stop yelling at kids
Usually, parents yell at teenagers to change their behavior. But remember that real change starts within us. Several tricks will help you with this. You should try:
- listen to yourself;
- try to keep calm;
- control stress levels.
At the moment of a surge of negative emotions, it is worth asking yourself, “How do I feel now?”. It could be anger, embarrassment, shame, or even frustration. Your child's behavior only sometimes reflects your upbringing. Children often disobey not because they are wrong, but simply because they want to do their favorite things.
Perhaps this reaction is associated with fear for the future of the baby. “What's next for him if he always misbehaves.” Disobedience is not always character. Most typically, it is just a momentary impulse of emotion.
During a cry, the brain's rational part turns off, and it is not easy to make any good decisions. And calm down — even more so. To put yourself in order, you should take a break. You can try counting to ten and taking three deep breaths. Even simple exercises like squats or push-ups will help.
Managing external factors is much easier than it seems. You can transfer part of the work tasks to a colleague, and the spouse can be asked to go grocery shopping. Learn to say “no” to the extra load and you will see how much easier it becomes. Also, try going to bed earlier. Sleep is a great way to deal with stress.
Don't forget to talk to your child. Communication is the easiest way to understand a child. But it is worth remembering that the child can behave aggressively in stressful situations. Do not attack with the question, “Did you see what time it is?”. Or “Where have you been? Don't you know that I'm worried?”. The latter situation is easier to avoid than it seems. With the help of a GPS watch, you can find out where the child is. For more reliability, you should install a particular application. With it, you can write to or call the child.
There is still a conflict situation that arose; you need to talk. Wait a certain amount of time for the emotions to subside and ask questions. It is essential to clarify the motives of the child's behavior to find out why he acted this way and not otherwise. It will help build trust and avoid quarrels.
Building trust with children is a long process
Before you scream and blame the child, you should look inside yourself. Why does this situation evoke such strong emotions? To create good relationships in the family, you need to start with yourself.
A calm conversation is a perfect way to solve any problem. It can be corrected, even if you made a mistake and yelled at a child. Just admit your mistake; there is nothing to worry. Over time, you will learn to control emotions and be surprised that you have created such a wonderful family.
