It cannot be said that the concept of "emotional cheating" appeared in the 21st century, but it was its technologies, led by FaceTime, WhatsApp, Skype and other services that made it possible to communicate without physical contact, that allowed this phenomenon to acquire an unprecedented spread. How does emotional betrayal differ from friendship or standard adultery, and most importantly, what to do if this happens in your couple?
Is infidelity without intimacy not real?
Not everyone understands clearly what emotional cheating is. A person involved in such relations may not feel guilty and be sure that without sexual intercourse there is no infidelity. "We're just communicating." "This is friendship." "Don't make up nonsense."
Unfortunately, the reality is far from being so innocent. Emotional cheating is just as damaging to relationships as physical betrayal. A person gives attention and strength to someone else neglecting his partner; satisfies the need for communication on the side, stealing from a loved one; destroys trust and causes suffering.
Interestingly, women react to emotional betrayal more strongly than men. According to the research by scientists of the University of California, 65% of women experienced greater pain, imagining the intimacy of a husband with his mistress than imagining physical intimacy.
Causes of emotional cheating
It is difficult to pick up a clear definition of emotional cheating. Usually, this term means mutual interest, slightly reinforced by sexual attraction. It may eventually turn into a full intimate relationship or remain at the level of light flirting, but in any case, it is unhealthy or wrong, because it indicates problems in relationships with a regular partner.
The desire for intimacy with someone outside of "official" relations, even if this intimacy is spiritual, indicates that:
- a person does not receive it with his partner, feels lonely, misunderstood;
- he lacks thrills, romance of secret meetings, strong emotions;
- there is no trust between partners;
- the relationship is already coming to a logical conclusion.
Who is to blame for what has happened – an egocentric partner who has not given his beloved what he needed, or the "betrayer" himself, hushing up the problem instead of deciding to have a frank conversation? The question is difficult.
Can friendship be considered emotional cheating?
Many people are wary of too close communication of their partner with persons of the opposite sex, and partly they are right. The beginning of friendship and emotional betrayal is often similar: acquaintance, finding out common topics for conversation, growing interest …
Life does not connect with a "friend", you do not need to talk with him about boring bills and repairs. You want to spend more and more time with him, share secrets, make secrets and complain about the insensitivity of the "half"... And one day it turns out that in the confrontation, emotional cheating vs friendship, victory is clearly on the side of the first.
Emotional betrayal is:
- excessive openness, when the most intimate topics can be touched upon in a conversation;
- sexual overtones, kinds of sparks that slip between people, even if they seem to be a mere display of affection;
- secrecy, the desire to hide from a regular partner the frequency of meetings and the nature of conversations.
This, of course, does not mean that any friendship carries a potential danger to serious relations. But if there are signs of emotional cheating, at least it is necessary to analyze seriously what is happening and give it a sober assessment.
What to do to get out of the situation with minimal losses?
If you have caught your partner betraying emotionally, it makes no sense to break dishes and threaten. Is it wiser to take a time out, evaluate the situation calmly and decide if you want to continue living with this person? The answer "no" involves simple actions: collected things, a complete break and the status of "in search".
"Yes" is a bit more difficult. First of all, you will have to pull yourself together and speak frankly. Without scandals and screams. To convey to your loved one your vision of the situation and tell him the definition of an emotional romance, since it may well be that the partner will not understand to the last what exactly “infidelity” is. If you are still dear to each other, you will definitely be heard and actions will be taken.
If you yourself turned out to be a betrayer, answer yourself honestly, are you ready to risk what you have already had for the sake of the theoretical development of an emotional relation? And act accordingly. But do not leave things as they are, otherwise the situation will get out of control.
What should not be done?
Definitely don't spy on a partner suspected of being unfaithful. No need to check mail, read SMS, spy, hang "bugs" on a person and take other actions of the same kind. GPS watches are the best toys for a three year old child, and parental control programs like Kidsfinder are great for keeping an eye on a restless toddler and even listening to his surroundings, but this is not the way to return a close relationship with a loved one.
